A song that I have been listening to a fair amount lately, because I like it in general but also for the obvious reason, is "Carmen" by Lana Del Rey. "Carmen" is about a girl that doesn't make the smartest decisions. She drinks and gets high and seems to do a share of sleeping around. Carmen's only seventeen but she's already famous and has all of these problems and addictions. Many lines in the song portray that Carmen doesn't actually enjoy her lifestyle and does not suggest it to others, for she seems to know that what she is doing is bad for her. So why does she do it?
I honestly don't know. Maybe it's all she knows how to do and she already's in this mess and just can't get out. Maybe she tries but trying to escape is much more difficult than just staying the way you are, no matter how bad that way may be. But Lana Del Rey doesn't make it completely clear whether or not Carmen is really conscious of what she is doing to herself. "Lying to herself 'cause her liquor's top shelf." Lana repeats this line a couple of times and maybe it means that she does know in the back of her mind that she's doing bad but she lies to herself because that's easier than trying to change. Lana also says "She [Carmen] says you don't want to be like me, don't want to see all the things I've seen. I'm dying, I'm dying." This shows me that Carmen really is aware of her choices and well being and does not suggest her lifestyle to others. "I'm dying, I'm dying" This part I think adds on to what I was saying about her not being able to escape so it's easier to just let it happen. When you're dying there's no way you can just stop dying, and it's sometimes better if you except it rather than deny it. Maybe she's in too deep to even bother getting out.
But which is better, knowing that you are making bad choices and not being able to do anything about it or not realizing the effect of your choices and not doing anything about it? I know I've made decisions that I didn't realize were bad until after it was too late to really do anything about them. Usually this is just saying something to someone that I didn't realize then, but I shouldn't have. Once I realize my mistake I can apologize and sort of right the wrong, but you can never really go back and undo it, especially if it's something more permanent like drugs, alcohol and sex. If you never did realize what you did was wrong that would be the worse, because you would never be able to fix it at all.s
This is a really great post Carmen! I agree, part of her, or most of her is probably aware of what she's doing, but she doesn't stop because it's just easier to keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes the hardest part is taking a step back, but once you take that first step, it gets easier from there.
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